9 ways 2018 brought me mental resilience

2018 seems to have been a rather dreary year for most and honestly, I was quite relieved knowing I wasn’t the only one that felt the year was an everlasting drag through thorn bushes. It was by far the weirdest, toughest and most confusing year for me, with 80% of the year filled with uncertainty, confusion and sadness. And the remaining 20% filled with life lessons that shaped my outlook on life and myself. So with this New Year I wanted to share the 9 fundamental things that 2018 taught me and how they’ve paved a new and brighter path for my mental wellbeing.

1. “IT’S YOUR LIFE…DON’T LET ANYONE ELSE CONTROL IT”

It’s pretty easy to get hung up over things people say or do, or by the outcome of a situation. We often find ourselves in search for something or someone to blame for your our broken hearts, anger and disappointment. The causes to your problems shouldn’t be the reason you stay boiling in negativity for a prolonged time. We all have control over how we allow ourselves to feel and react to negativity, allowing people/situations to have control over our mental state is detrimental. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t feel upset or let down by things, but that we shouldn’t allow these feelings to become a poison to our mind slowly eating away at our sanity, progression and drive. The time you spend allowing people to have control over your life and mental wellness is valuable time that should be invested in building your strength, resilience and attaining success. It takes constant work, persistence and dedication to maintain such level of control over your feelings.

2. “DON’T GET HUNG ON EXPECTATIONS”

Holding onto expectations is like playing a game of hangman, the minute someone messes up we’re hung by disappointment, rage and sadness. Therefore to avoid this gamble I had come to the conclusion that in order to avoid being let down I should have absolutely no expectations. Although I soon came to realise that this was not the solution and that it’s not so much about having no expectations but instead being able to accept when expectations aren’t met. Whether you hold expectation for people in general or just close family and friends, we must always keep in mind that not everyone’s heart is like our own. We all see things differently so to hold expectations based solely on the fact that we would do the same for others, will see you in a constant loop of disappointment. This connects to my previous point of not allowing situations to have control over your feelings, someone not meeting your expectations should not see you fall into a pit of misery.

3. “WHAT YOU INVEST TIME IN DEFINES WHO YOU ARE”

I was a huge culprit of investing my time, energy and emotions into the wrong things and people. This created a blockage to happiness and success shaping me into an aggravated, lazy and self-loathing person. My mind was so consumed with negativity that I soon became the living embodiment of my poisonous and oppressing thoughts. It took many things to build the confidence and motivation needed to realign my focus, opening up about my problems and mental struggles to a trusted friend was the biggest factor that helped! Investing my time into things that only bred positivity created a change in my life and mental state, what we invest our time in truly defines who we are!

4. “SELF BELEIVE WORKS MIRACLES”

Given the mental state I was in last year, self believe was rather fetch for me. Building the momentum to make effective movements in life can be difficult at times, especially when our mind is consumed by a whirlwind of confusion and problems. At this point my first step was decluttering the accumulating mess in my mind, the support system I had from friends lit the fire that burnt away the toxic trash. Thus igniting my motivation to self-trust and self-belief, having someone else believe in you is a strong starting point in believing in yourself. We are what we believe we are and it’s up to us to condition our mind, to have it emit the determination and resilience needed for us to support ourselves.

5. “BE YOUR OWN SUPPORT SYSTEM”

Children depend on their parents and family for relevance and worth, even as adults we may still look to our parents, family or friends for validation. This isn’t always a bad thing, but the problem starts when we rely on others as a source of self-worth. Through my battle with depression and anxiety, I found that I’d only find clarity, comfort and reassurance from my friends and family, they were my only support system because I couldn’t support myself. As much as I appreciated the support from all that helped me, I was not going to make any progress if I didn’t start to support and uplift myself. The love, brace and reassurance from others fuelled my motivation in gaining trust and belief in myself, allowing me to find comfort, control and clarity on my own when necessary. This does not go to say that we shouldn’t confide in friends and family, but our happiness and success will not come from depending on others, it’ll come from depending, believing and trusting in ourselves.

6. “SUCCESS IS NOT FOR THE LAZY”

I’m a constant victim to the enticing temptations of procrastination, “I’ll do it tomorrow” would be a fitting slogan to wrap up my attitude in 2018. Self-motivation is still in working progress for me and has always been something I’ve struggled with. And when your mental state is in shambles, doing anything productive just isn’t on the agenda. At one point I found myself going back to my ” you are the creator and producer of success” post to remind myself of the many ways of realigning my focus and regaining motivation. What got my rusted wheels turning again was having a reason that moved me emotionally, after experience major depression I had a vigorous zeal to help and confined others that were going through the same pain. Having a powerful ‘why’ a strong reason to reach for success is crucial in maintaining motivation, if your reason is strong enough it will provide sufficient fuel to drive you forward in life.

7. “YOUR ONLY COMPETITION IS YOU”

Social media takes up a sizable fraction of our lives and serves up a platter of false pretences and beauty standards. It’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing, often investing so much time catching up with other people lives that we forget to attain to your own. With the seemingly lavish lifestyles of influencers, models and popular people broadcasted on social handles, we can often start comparing ourselves and attempting to live up to someone else’s lifestyle. This at times makes social media a breeding ground for low self-esteem, low confidence and insecurities. You will not find happiness and content when competing to surpass others in life, everyone’s road to success is different; go swerving into someone else’s lane and you will get hit! So don’t make the mistake of focusing on the success and journey of others, only ever be in competition with yourself. Strive to outdo yourself step after step, focusing on your own journey and following your own path.

8. “DEPRESSION HAS NO CURE”

When facing depression the main focus is usually to be ‘cured’, but depression is like a lingering disease with no cure. Throughout life we will constantly face triggers that may cause us to fall into any of the many forms of depression. Therefore the main focus should be on building our knowledge and resilience towards mental health, so that we are able to effectively tackle the symptoms when they arise. If we are properly prepared and mentally fit, we are able to effectively tackle depression and avoid falling into its crippling clenches. Regular counselling/ therapy sessions, independent research, speaking to trusted friends and family, meditation and helplines are just a few things that can aid in maintaining mental stability. The strongest of minds can still fall victim to the ever-lingering triggers of depression, the more we reinforce our minds the greater chance we have of swiftly combatting the problem; avoiding further plummet into severe depression.

9. “LET GO AND LET GOD!”

 Ending with the best and most important factor, “Let go and let God” we’ve all heard this saying before and being the believer I am in God this was the biggest and most effective lesson I learnt last year. Despite standing strongly by this notion I still found myself bending over backwards, in search for solutions to problems I had no control over. I came to the full understanding that to leave your problems to God, is to leave the situation alone entirely, trusting and having faith that God will work his will whilst we focus on effectively moving forward in life.

These factors have truly realigned my focuses and illuminated a better path to which I’m able to offer myself clarity, comfort, reassurance and motivation. With continuous revision of these factors I can effectively gain mental resilience, to withstand the many storms that will arise throughout life. Remember that there will always be something positive to subtract from negative experiences, capitalise on them and use the lessons to gain clarity, resilience and wisdom. Learning to regain and maintain control over my life mentally, emotionally and physically, has opened up a whole new perspective on life for me. Whether your 2018 was thriving with success or dry and baron you can always change your situation and strive for better. Whatever your New Year resolutions are I pray they are multiplied and that this year brings peace, stability and mental wellness.

Happy New Year to you all,
Dom x